MEET FARK FOTOGLOW
Greek-American CFO. Debt Settlement Mogul. Professional Idea Decliner. The Man Who Turned "NewOO Man" Into A Business Philosophy.
THE LOOK
- • Greek descent, short black hair
- • Olive skin, perpetually tan from Newport Beach weekends
- • Tattooed eyebrows for "deeper brooding effect"
- • Signature look: Expensive suit, fake Rolex (saving money for consultant fees)
- • Resting face that screams "I'm about to say no"
THE ORIGIN STORY
2007: The mortgage crisis hits. Most people panic. Fark sees opportunity. Credit card debt settlement becomes his game. He starts a call center with one rule: INBOUND CALLS ONLY.
2007-2010: Three years of saying no to everything. Digital marketing? NewOO Man. Email campaigns? NewOO Man. Social media? NewOO Man, bro.
August 2010: The defining moment. During an "extended mentoring session" with a receptionist [Name Redacted for Legal Reasons] in the supply closet, Fark accidentally approves Direct Mail campaigns. He was... distracted.
The Result: Direct Mail explodes. The business makes millions. The receptionist resigns in 2011 (citing "uncomfortable work environment"). Fark takes full credit for the "strategic brilliance" of Direct Mail, conveniently forgetting the supply closet details.
THE PHILOSOPHY
"If it wasn't my idea, it's probably bad. If it WAS my idea, I probably forgot. Either way: NewOO Man."
Fark's approach is simple: decline first, ask questions never. His signature nasal "NewOO Man" (California surfer meets Newport Beach CFO) has become legendary in the office.
Some say it's Greek stubbornness. Others say it's insecurity. Fark says it's "strategic risk management" and "protecting company culture." Really, he just hates being told what to do.
THE EYEBROW SITUATION
In 2015, Fark became paranoid that his eyebrows weren't "commanding enough" for a CFO. After three consultations with a Beverly Hills cosmetic tattoo artist (and $4,200), he had them permanently darkened for "maximum brooding authority." When asked about it, he claims they're natural. Everyone knows. No one says anything.
WHERE IS HE NOW?
WATCHING DIRECT MAIL DIE
Direct Mail ROI down 34% since 2019. Postage costs up 47%. Response rates at historic lows. The entire company knows what needs to happen: DIGITAL MARKETING. Except Fark.
HIRING CONSULTANTS TO IGNORE
$2.3M spent on McKinsey, Bain, and Deloitte since 2018. Every recommendation: digital transformation, diversify lead sources, emergency marketing intervention. Every response: "NewOO Man. Not our culture."
REFUSING OUTBOUND CALLS
The sales team begs: "Let us make outbound calls. Let us do follow-ups. Let us DO SOMETHING." Fark's response: "We're an INBOUND-ONLY operation, bro. That's who we are. Outbound would kill our vibe."
THE TRAGIC IRONY
Fark built a $47M business on ONE accidentally approved idea from 2010. Now, as Direct Mail slowly dies, he refuses to approve ANY new ideas—especially digital marketing—because they're not HIS ideas. He'd rather watch the business collapse than admit someone else might be right.
Classic Fark. Classic "NewOO Man."
THINK YOU CAN CONVINCE FARK?
Hundreds have tried. All have failed. But hey, maybe you'll be different! (You won't. But we admire the optimism.)
SUBMIT YOUR IDEA FOR DECLINE →