WELCOME TO THE FARK FOTOGLOW EXPERIENCE
Where "NewOO Man" isn't just a phrase—it's a $47M business philosophy!
Meet Fark Fotoglow: Greek-American CFO, debt settlement mogul, and the man who turned saying no into an art form. With his signature nasal "NewOO Man" (think California surfer meets Newport Beach CFO), Fark has declined his way to millions while Direct Mail slowly dies around him.
THE DEBT SETTLEMENT EMPIRE (BUILT ON INBOUND CALLS ONLY)
Started in 2007 when mortgages failed, perfected in 2010 when Fark got... distracted.
$47M+ IN REVENUE
Credit card debt settlement that thrives on people who owe way too much. Our inbound call center takes calls ONLY from Direct Mail leads. No outbound. Ever. That would require... initiative.
THE 2010 BREAKTHROUGH
While "mentoring" receptionist Linda in the supply closet, Fark approved Direct Mail campaigns. His only good idea... achieved while completely distracted. Linda resigned in 2011. The business thrived anyway.
THE SLOW DEATH (IN PROGRESS)
Direct Mail ROI down 34% since 2019. Postage costs up 47%. Response rates at historic lows. The entire sales team begs for digital marketing.
Fark's Response: "NewOO Man. That's not how we do it here. Besides, I'd rather hire $500K consultants just to disagree with them."
THE CONSULTANT GRAVEYARD
$2.3M spent on McKinsey, Bain, Deloitte, and boutique firms. Every single recommendation: DECLINED.
McKinsey (2018): "Diversify Lead Sources"
Cost: $847,000 | Fark's Response: "NewOO Man. Direct Mail got us here. Why would we change? Also, your slides had too many fonts."
Bain & Company (2020): "Digital Transformation Now"
Cost: $623,000 | Fark's Response: "NewOO Man. Our call center people aren't 'digital.' They answer phones. That's it. Great presentation though, loved the snacks."
Deloitte (2022): "Emergency Digital Marketing Strategy"
Cost: $891,000 | Fark's Response: "NewOO Man. I don't trust anything I can't touch. Plus outbound calls? That's not our culture. We're INBOUND ONLY, bro."
The Irony: Fark loves consultants. He just loves disagreeing with them more. Every declined recommendation comes with a detailed email explaining why his gut feeling trumps their data.
BY THE NUMBERS
GOT AN IDEA? FARK WANTS TO HEAR IT!
(So he can decline it with style)
Submit your brilliant business idea today and receive Fark's signature "NewOO Man" within 24-48 hours. Guaranteed decline or your idea back!*
*We never return ideas. Fark keeps them in a filing cabinet labeled "Stuff That Would Have Worked But I Said No Anyway"